Dating and Hand Grenades Q & A         

Dateworthy or Dismissed

By Ché Rippinger            

As seen in the Castle Rock Daily Star

©All materials are copyrighted and cannot be used without prior and expressed written permission from Che' Rippinger.
Please contact for reprints.

            Q:  I just met a man who got my number and asked me out. When I spoke to him on the phone, he made NO effort to be interesting or entertaining. His idea of a great date was cooking for me in his home. I thought it could be dangerous, especially not knowing him. Besides that, it might be really boring, and I'd be 'trapped'!  I decided to not date him. I thought, if this phone call was 'work'...what would the date be like? I hate being the most fun sometimes!!  –Lively Lady

            A: You have good instincts to not accept this date. The first no-brainer reason is the safety issue.  You don’t know this man and he’s inviting you to his place.  What if he plays Dungeons and Dragons, for real.  You don’t need to be the next “ripped from the headlines” CSI episode.  Besides, he could be a lousy cook.

            When you jump into the beginner’s dating arena, bring your manual—or at least your common sense. First: Always meet in a public place and tell a friend or relative. If there are people around, it’s harder to politely axe-murder you.  Actually, it’s easier to deal with face-to-face nervous jitters when there’s other people and other things going on around you.

            Second: keep it short.  A coffee house meeting is good for timing.  They usually serve tea and carbs there, too.  Adjust your caffeinated needs accordingly. It’s not nice to nod off during Mr. Exciting’s collegiate math team description, or to double-espresso him out of any edgewise words. 

            Other first time possibilities: ice cream (unless lactose intolerant), an internet café (unless he checks the rest of his online personal ads while there), or a driving range/miniature golf course (unless he’s Tiger Woods little ringer brother). You could even catch a candlelight bowling game if you don’t mind multi-colored shoes.             

            By combining a “date” with an activity, you can have something else to do during those awkward silences.  Plus, dropping a bowling ball in an amusing way is a real conversation starter!

            Third: day dates are your best bet.  Getting back to work after a weekday lunch is a gracious out if your date is a dud.  In case you do fall madly in lust at first sight, you get the chance to cool your passion jets.  Proceeding to something stupid is avalanche-easy when mixed with alcohol.  And if you leave after happy hour, your next date might be in court for a D.U.I.  Alternatively, drinks can lead to dinner.  And dinner might slide into, “What now?” And that can slope-slime quickly to, “What do you want for breakfast, what’s-your-name?”

            Your instincts seem right on in the, “this guy’s no fun” observation.  If you mercy-date him, then you’ll be hauling the towrope of fun.  During the pheromone stage is the time he should beam interest in you.  Alas, he’s probably not going to show more raw, sexy passion after two kids and ten years of marriage. 

            If you decide to give this guy a chance, you may break patterns you’ve developed.  Dismissing someone before you know him could be a sign that you know yourself really well.  Or maybe you just shut people down before knowing any important details. Talking to him shouldn’t be so stressful that it seems like work.  Why not gently put him at ease and enjoy yourself, no matter what happens? 

            Besides, if you are fun and vibrant, maybe you’ll bring out the hidden romantic clown in him.

            Ché Rippinger is a writer, cartoonist and relationship humorist with a heart. Please e-mail questions or comments to Che@DatingAndHandGrenades.com  or visit online at www.DatingAndHandGrenades.com. Questions may be selected and edited for the column.