Dating and Hand Grenades Q&A                                            

"Roomie—Not Relationship"                                                       

By Ché Rippinger      

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            Q: I live with a male roommate who I’m good friends with. I thought that it was supposed to be platonic, but one night after a friend’s party he put the moves on me. I don’t know how we’re going to live under the same roof after that. –Friends with rent benefits

            A: Uh oh. Sounds like a “When Harry Met Sally” movie moment went the other direction. So it sounds like he took you by surprise and you weren’t interested.  Now you’ve got a couple of choices. One is to blow it off and pretend that it never happened. Chances are it was something he was thinking, but it might have been the liquor talking. That’s the easy and cheesy way out.

            For a more adult solution and to perhaps preserve a friendship you want to keep, you might want to have “The Talk.” Because that’s just what a guy wants to hear (not).

            You could start by making him feel comfortable. Say something nice. But don’t start with, “I like you as a friend.” That’s an ego bruiser, no guy wants to hear, even if it is true.

            Proceed to asking him about the night in question—without the grill marks. If he makes it seem like it was nothing, then maybe it was. Or maybe he’s trying to save face. Let him. He’s off the hook and so are you.

            But if it’s obvious or he actually tells you that he has feelings for you, then you need to know what you want to do.  Are you interested in trying to date him? If so, it may be a little hard living under the same roof unless you immediately agree to be monogamous.  If it doesn’t work, which one of you has to go?

            Of course, you might both agree that a relationship isn’t in the cards, but want to play the “Roomies with Bennies” card. Careful, Playa: this could be final answer territory for your friendship. Is the opportunity of sex worth losing your buddy over?

            Oh, and be safe if you go down that road. I have a friend who lived with and then dated her roommate. They have a child now. But the math worked out, as it was a life surprise that they are both happy about.

            There is a possibility to continue living together without dating or having sexual sparks fly. You both need to set some guidelines of what will work for each of you. If you parade around in his boxers and a tiny T, then good luck getting his hormones under the cruelty radar. Likewise, if he turns into the hot repairman when fixing your car.

            Basically, the talk and the agreement that you work out together now will help direct future actions. Just watch those after hours when alcohol is maximized and your brain cells are on holiday!

Ché Rippinger is a writer, cartoonist and relationship humorist with a heart. Please e-mail questions or comments to Che@DatingAndHandGrenades.com or visit online at www.DatingAndHandGrenades.com.  Questions may be selected and edited for the column.