Dating and Hand Grenades Q & A                                       

"On To The Second Date”                                                       

By Ché Rippinger
 

©All materials are copyrighted and cannot be used without prior and expressed written permission from Che' Rippinger.
Please contact for usage.                                                                                                                                   

Q: My question is this: I’ve gone through a first date and wanted more. Daunted by the concern, I found there was no clear signal that a second date was in the future. What, if anything, is the protocol? How do you know if someone really wants to see you again, or is just being polite? Who is responsible for insuring, at the completion of the initial date, what happens next?

--Rose Man

A:  Congratulations, you made it through the trial of a first date. Those suckers are hard. Being the best of you while learning about another—no pressure!

There’s seldom a dating “protocol.” You just have to be in the moment and read the situation, without psychoanalyzing it from every zany direction. If “reading” puts too much assumption or guessing in, then by all means, communicate the old fashioned way: ask. You can be subtle. And if you make your questions easy to answer, you get that nice dialog going, instead of an interrogation. 

If you aren’t the quizitive or verbal Dr. Phil-type, there are other ways you can gage interest from the first date encounter.

Remember good body language cues, like leaning forward, making eye contact, nodding and making participatory conversation sounds.

Not so good signs: looking at everything but you, answering beeping technological gadgets, or screaming, “Check please!” Other warnings to note: yawning, sneezing or passing out in the soup. These could mean tiredness, allergic reaction, or narcolepsy—any of which are necessary to note before date #2 anyway.

Hopefully, you found you’ve received positive signals and discovered a few things in common—especially date-friendly activities. Wow, she likes spelunking in bat-infested caves, too?  Jump in and ask if she’d enjoy sharing one of those interests with you sometime.  If this is well received, suggest a specific time and place to get together in the near future.  If not, then keep the chat topical until you either 1.) Find another common bond or 2.) Find an exit.

            There is no steadfast rule that states a man is responsible for asking for the second date.  Women are getting the hang of it.  Sort of.  But if she doesn’t ask, and you chicken out, you could be kicking yourself later, quite possibly on a cold door stoop.

            P.S. Here’s a secret from the ladies’ camp: A woman’s likely response to getting together again is, “Sure.”  But, she might say this much in the same way a guy might spit out, “I’ll call you.” Neither are 100% accurate, and both general statements are often used as quick, polite automatic pacifiers. So gently check the validity, and give her a face-saving out. (We all appreciate an escape buffer more than creating vapid excuses).

Ultimately, each of us is responsible for our own happiness, whether on a date or not. If you like the other person and it’s not mutual, you’re at least one person closer to being with that someone who truly is interested in you.

                Ché Rippinger is a writer, cartoonist and relationship humorist with a heart. Please e-mail questions to DenverDating@aol.com or visit online at www.DatingAndHandGrenades.com. Questions cannot be answered individually, but may be selected and edited for the column.